Thursday, March 7, 2013

Update: Hugo Chavez in the Process of Interviewing for a Position in Hell


Here's my preview of the interview the Devil is having with (ex) Venezuelan dictator, Hugo Chavez:

Devil: Welcome to my abode, my son! What can you offer us here on the dark side besides the bootylicious behinds of Sean Penn, Danny Glover, and my favorite Jew, Noam?

Hugo: Uhm...thanks I guess. Are you George W. Bush?

Devil: No, Saddam here. I called you down here because I was looking for an intellectual. Weren't you the one who read The Warrior's Oracle, and some stuff by Ortega Y Gasset? Don't you know anything about Senorito Consentido?

Hugo: No, I'm just a thug, and everyone knows that except for you apparently. What exactly were you expecting!?

Devil: Hugo, but you're such a sexy stud, can't you tell me about your dirty underwear or something?

Hugo: Well, I threw my first wife to the curb after she refused to...

Devil: Yes, my beloved dictator, tell me more...

Hugo: Well, the b#### wouldn't stay in the kitchen. Did I forget to mention women need to stay in the kitchen?

Devil: I, too, believe in that, my dictator buddy. Tell me more about your life...

Hugo: I was born in the capital of the Barinas State whose capital is, well...Barinas...There's some oil there, and some cows who munch on grass...you know, Devil, grass...

Devil: Yeah, of course I know about grass, now tell me more!

Hugo: I attended a military academy where they had a baseball team. Then, I turned towards the teachings of my great predecessors, Mr. Ilyich, Mr. Zhedong, Mr. Pot, and ya know, the good people who always believed in social values like realocating the wealth to the poor, and making love to blow-up dolls of Fidel.

Devil: I'm all ears...and a##...

Hugo: There was this tree...no, it's not what you're thinking, Devil...I didn't smoke it, but I would have liked to...I took an oath at this tree. It had something to do with Bolivar's life-long aspiration of uniting the people of America.

Devil: OK, OK, enough, lil buddy. I'm taking you to bed with me.

Hugo: I'm too sexy for my pants, too sexy for...

to be continued...

No comments:

Post a Comment

Newer Post Older Post Home