Parents Recall ‘Horror Stories’ About their Kids

It’s not every day that you meet Chucky from “Child’s Play” but those of you who’ve had run-ins with that pesky baby that wouldn’t let go of your foot until you doled out the candy will agree that not all children were created in the image of God. Some resemble the not-so-funny version of Dr. Evil. And that’s for starters. When they’re not sound asleep, some kids can drive you absolutely crazy up-the-wall bonkers, as those lucky enough to have survived the calamity will attest to. You will be horrified by what random parents recalled about their experiences bringing up the “ultimate problem child” reincarnation of Bin Laden.

Who Let the Pets Out? 

One parent told us about a time his 5-year-old decided to “free the animals” and let out all the family pets - including the 3-foot python, razor-toothed piranhas, and poisonous tarantulas. “It was a day I’ll never forget,” recalls Michigan-native Todd Gorlitch. “I was having breakfast at around 6:30 am that morning, and all of a sudden, I feel something long and slippery sliding up my leg. At first I thought I’d spilled milk from my cereal, but when I took a closer look, my prized (and potentially deadly) pet python was staring back at me. I’d find out later that my darling Billy was out of bed early that morning.

Driving Miss Baby

Roger from upstate NY recalled the time his 3-year-old took off with his $3 million Rolls Royce and created a scene that would best be described as “OJ on the run #2.” “I was getting ready for a night out with my wife when we got a call from the police. ‘Mr. Jacobs, this is the police and we have an emergency on our hands. There’s a baby at the wheel of a luxury vehicle making its way down Brooklyn Bridge. Helicopters are at the scene attempting to prevent your car - along with the baby - from creating a pile-up and potentially setting the entire bridge on fire.’ That’s when it dawned on me - little Jessica had been awfully quiet the last few hours.”

Set the World on Fire

Jennifer shared the story of her 6-year old burning down the family mansion. She says Issabel had just come home from kindergarten and was playing with some toys when her husband called, asking her to pick up the other kids from school. Issabel had been left alone before and it wasn’t going to take long, so she took off. Half an hour later, the little princess was at her side but the house was nowhere to be seen. When the dust had settled and the family had a place to stay, (they’d just moved in and hadn’t gotten around to getting their new home insured) Jennifer says she remembered leaving a lighter in the living room.

Beauty and the Beast? Young Models who Chased Wealthy Billionaires

 Melania Trump

Slovenian model Melania is the third wife of former president Donald Trump. The two have had their share of drama since Trump defeated Hillary Clinton in one of the tightest presidential races in modern history. While president, the two were spotted arguing and Melania has, on more than one occasion, refused to hold hands with the real estate tycoon. While her famed hubby has made his billions in a variety of business and real estate transactions, hosted a reality show, and captured the hearts of millions of adoring Americans, Mrs. Trump runs a successful body lotion business and has tasted her own share of entrepreneur success.

Elisabetta Gregoraci

Gregoraci, who married Flavio Briatore, Formula One manager with a penchant for pursuing women half his age in 2008, separated on December 23, 2017, but not before bearing him a son named Nathan Falco. Briatore, who’s allegedly made at least some of his fortune illegally and been romantically linked to at least three supermodels, including Naomi Campbell and Heidi Klum, happens to be a fan of former president Trump and is known for his disdain for a formal education.

Kristy Hinze

Australian runway model Kristy Hinze and Jim Clark are quite the success story. The blonde beauty, who appeared in Vogue Magazine at the ripe age of 14, married Silicon Valley investor and founder of Netscape, James H. Clarke. The power couple has had two children together and Hinze has won a boating contest since tying the knot with Clarke.

Tiffany Stewart Cuban

The gym saleswoman is married to Mark Cuban, one of the world's richest men, best known for being the outspoken owner of the Dallas Mavericks. Besides his occasional political meddling and spats with players who weren’t interested in competing under the Dallas logo, Mark is known for his role in the Shark Tank reality show. The story of this courtship is somewhat mired in secrecy with the couple trying to avoid the public eye whenever possible. 

Why Hire Me?

Now who am I?

Let’s take a look…

A clever man – an open book,

Kind of complex,

You never know,

What kind of masterpiece I’m about to flow,

 

Now, you may ask: why trust in me?

I’ll tell you, sir/ma’am/sire/ or Holy See,

I have the skills to make you wonder:

Is this guy real? He stole our thunder!

He made us smile, made us laugh,

He showed us how to do the math!

 

Some folks know how to really think,

They’re programmers, teachers, and some are shrinks,

But as for me, I’ll write a play,

A blog post, poem…I’ll make your day!

You never know just how great it’ll be,

If you make me your next hiree!

Top 10 Places to Visit and Love in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem

For most American tourists visiting Israel, frequenting our distant shores can be synonymous to a 7-year-old stepping into a candy shop. There’s just too much of a good thing to go around…

So where do you go if you’re a hard-working businessman with little time on your hands to make the most of your Holy Land experience? We’ve come up with a list of the top 10 places to visit in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem; Israel’s top two tourist attractions.

1. 2C 50^th story bar & restaurant atop Azrieli Tower, Tel-Aviv

Enjoy delicious gourmet Mediterranean cuisine for reasonable prices while gazing down on colorful yachts dotting the blue sea below. If you’re looking for a great bargain, get a sandwich or cold drink at the bar without having to pay a whole lot, and still get an incredible view of greater Tel-Aviv, large stretches of the Mediterranean, and considerable swaths of the Judean desert.

2. Ben Yehuda Street, Jerusalem

Ben Yehuda Street is Jerusalem’s prime hangout that captures the spirit of Israel’s capital city. Throngs of tourists gather here at all times of the year to listen to impromptu street shows including professional musicians, trained acrobats, and live mannequins showing off their skills. A must-see for anyone visiting the Holy City.

3. Nahalat Binyamin Street Fair, Tel-Aviv

Every Tuesday and Friday (including holidays) artists, clowns, and musicians display their merchandise in at the Nahalat Binyamin Street Fair right along the famed Carmel Market. Even if you’re not there to purchase a prized piece of art, you’ll definitely enjoy – and get entertained by this incredible taste of Israel.

4. Old Jaffa, Tel-Aviv

The historic Jaffa harbor, where the modern State of Israel sprung its roots, is an enchanting maze of romantic gardens, enchanted paths, and a rich selection of first-rate restaurants. The mighty Mediterranean shore where Napoleon’s army was repelled for over a month by the Ottoman ruler with the help of his right-hand Jewish adviser serves as a back-drop to the hotels and skyscrapers of the booming metropolis of Tel-Aviv.  Enjoy a care-free evening and discover a hidden side of Israel at this pristine location.

5. Old City, Jerusalem

The Old City of Jerusalem is perhaps the greatest wonder of the entire world. Built more than three thousand years ago, its stones have witnessed almost all the upheavals in the history of mankind. Its colorful markets, narrow alleyways, and spellbinding history give it a quality unlike of any other place in the world. The Old City is an absolute must for anyone visiting Jerusalem.

6. The Tayelet, Tel-Aviv

Tel-Aviv’s famed promenade runs along the shore of the Mediterranean and offers tourists a riveting glimpse of Israel. There are hundreds of sun-glazed bars offering an assortment of alcoholic beverages and mouthwatering delights.  Enjoy the sun and soak in the sights and sounds of life in the Big City! You’ll be sure to bring home some unique stories…

7. Mahane Yehuda Market, Jerusalem

The Mahane Yehuda market has come to symbolize Israel’s capital city. The colorful market attracts thousands of local and foreigners on a daily basis thanks to its unique Middle Eastern appeal. You won’t want to miss this Israeli marvel and dine in one of its prize-winning restaurants or bars!

8. Sarona Market, Tel-Aviv

The recently-opened Sarona Market at the heart of Tel-Aviv offers visitors 89 businesses under one roof. It’s an experience that reflects the dynamic culture of the “city that never sleeps” boasting 8,700 square meters of pure delight. Check it out – you’ll enjoy every bit!

9. Nachlaot, Jerusalem

Nachlaot is one of Jerusalem’s foremost cultural and religious hubs. Built in the late 1800’s, this historic landmark is home to a fascinating mixture of older generation Torah scholars alongside young American hippies.

10. King David Hotel, Jerusalem

The fabled King David Hotel is the residence of choice for world leaders and dignitaries visiting Israel. Walking down its lobby, you’ll see signatures of some of the world’s biggest celebrities who’ve stayed there including Madonna, Mohammad Ali, and the Grateful Dead. The 5-star hotel features sprawling suites and Jerusalem’s largest outdoor swimming pool along with picturesque villa looking out at the Old City. 

My Top 7 Chicago Bulls of All Time

 1. Michael Jordan (1984-’93, 1995-’98) – Who else??

AKA “MJ,””Air Jordan,” “His Airness”- and no, ain’t never been a better playa in NBA history than Air Mike!

Jordan was bigger than life itself. No kid growing up in Chicago – perhaps the entire world – in the early 90’s didn’t know his name.

MJ’s accolades include: 6 NBA championships, 5 MVP Awards and 14 All-Star appearances. His net worth currently stands at $1.14 billion and he is the principal owner and chairman of the Charlotte Hornets basketball team.

 

 2. Norm Van Lier (1971-1978) 

“Stormin’ Norman” was a TV show host in the 90’s when I had just started watching the Bulls. You could tell he was the ultimate gentleman who personified the American spirit that extended far beyond sports. Van Lier came off as completely unselfish. His love for the game of basketball was unparalleled.

As far as his career accomplishments, Van Lier is the Bulls’ third all-time leader in both assists and steals behind Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen.

3. John Paxson  (1985-1994)

Johnny Pax was my favorite Bull for much of his career. His style on and off the court really spoke to me, and his game-winning 3 in game six of the 1993 NBA Finals is perhaps my favorite moment in Bulls history. 

4. Horace Grant (1987-1994)

Grant was an integral part of the Bulls’ ’91-’93 Three Peat. Horace’s trademark goggles and jovial attitude always endeared him to me. He was the ultimate competitor and another all-around good guy.

5. B.J. Armstrong (1989-1995, 1999-2000) 

I will never forget Bulls announcer Johnny “Red” Kerr telling the story of how one of Michael Jordan’s kids had been asked who his favorite Bull was. He said it was B.J. “because he’s a kid like me.”

Armstrong was a too-cool guy with a great shot. He was well respected by all – even with his babyface appearance-which might just be one of the reasons for his relative fame despite having just one All-Star appearance to his name.

6. Toni Kukoc (1993-2000)

Toni began his professional career starring for his hometown Jugoplastike Split team where he won three consecutive Euroleague titles.

When Kukoc finally made it across the pond in 1993 and played on three Bulls championship squads along with MJ, Pippen and Rodman, the basketball world witnessed one of the greatest European ballers of all time step up his level of play and fit in to a tee with a championship Bulls team filled to the brim with superstars.

“The Waiter” won the NBA Sixth Man of the Year Award in 1996.

 7. Dennis Rodman (1995-’98)

The numerous fights and antics “Dennis The Menace” engaged in over his pro career made him enemy of the people #1 around the league.

He was primarily a rebounding specialist, performing acrobatic stunts to nab the ball out of what sometimes appeared as thick air.

Some of “The Worm’s” accomplishments include:

1. Getting married…to himself (!!!)
2. Having an affair with Madonna.
3. Coaching a topless basketball league team.
4. Coming out with a book (about himself) with a picture of himself naked on the front cover (basketball replacing fig leaf to prevent having to father too many illegitimate future ballers/thugs).
5. Befriending North Korean dictator and one of the world’s most evil men, King Jong-un and making numerous trips to N. Korea to “engage in diplomacy” with the rogue state.

Top 5 Jewish Dating Sites

Prior to finding my beshert more than 3 yrs ago, I discovered a variety of high-quality Jewish dating sites in the great world wide web. Each seems to be tailored to a specific audience. For example, there are those that target the Haredi public, those for the religious Zionists out there, those for the not-too-concerned Jews amongst us, etc...

Here are the top 5 Jewish dating sites according to my personal experience:

1. SawYouatSinai and its sister website SeeYouinIsrael: (free in Israel) you get your choice of shadchan/shadchanit who (if they care about what they're doing--and in my experience, while some are better than others, you simply can't go wrong) will "suggest" at least five matches for you/week. This means that they will send either you or a potential match either his/her profile or your profile. If you choose to put down a little extra cash, you get an unlimited amount of matches.

If you "accept" a match, he/she has 7 days to either "accept" or "decline." If he chooses to declines the match, his/her choice will appear in your "Matches" box but obviously without the reason they declined. If they accept as well (the second party has 5 days to decide), the guy gets the girl's phone number and has three days to call her. They can talk things over and schedule a date if they so choose.

Both parties are advised to follow up with their respective shadchanit regarding "match progress." You fill in a blank once you've gone on the first date, once you're "dating," and once you're "engaged." The site states that you must pay your shadchanit a certain bonus if a match is made. I feel that this "symbolic" payment is well worth the reward.

My shadchan has made 11 matches (this number has probably doubled since I last posted). That's simply remarkable based on the fact that both him and his wife work full time and have almost a minyan-full of lil ones at home.

2. Shlish Gan Eden: I believe this is by far the best dating site in Israel. If you're the least bit religious and living in the Holy Land, Shlish is definitely the way to go! They continuously update their site with new candidates. It's not a shadchan-based dating experience; rather, you get to interact directly with the other party.

There are advantages to this system. For example, instead of a matchmaker picking out girls/guys for you based on what they know about your personality, looks, lifestyle, level of religiosity, etc., you get to "approach" the people you're interested in yourself. There's a certain charm to this. Perhaps, it feels more natural--as if you're approaching someone on the street and asking them for their phone number, only you're doing it in a discrete setting. Highly recommended!

3. JWed: possibly the best Jewish dating site intended for marriage purposes only (as it states on the landing page). It features the same setup as Shlish--meaning singles get to see profiles of one another and approach each other without first having to go through a third party. It's intended mainly for English-speakers.

4. JDate: while this dating site is mostly intended for the secular or non-frum population, I personally

know of a religious couple who met via JDate. You'll see a lot of people interested more in looks and social status than other issues that I feel hold a deeper significance, but if you're that happy-go guy/gal who have a steady income and aren't "overly" religious, this might be the site for you!

...and last but definitely not the worst option, a site where a close friend of mine met her husband (this site is not all Jewish...)

5. OkCupid: OKCupid has a very unique setup that separates it from the field and gives it an added advantage. It lets singles fill out a compatibility profile and matches up other singles who have similar backgrounds, interests, goals, and life visions. While it's not a "Jewish" site per say, the fact that it will only show you singles who would be a good match based on the amount of qualities you have in common, you're more than likely to find that Jewish guy/girl who lives in your neck of the woods. Unlike of the other sites, OkCupid is also completely free!

 

L.A. Lakers' Star, Kobe Bryant, Calls Hawks Player Out After Fouling Him and Getting Injured

L.A. Lakers' former MVP and 5-time NBA champion, Kobe Bryant isn't known as the nicest of people. He's gotten into small-time scraps with opposing players from time to time, and isn't the perfect teammate as reported by multiple sources over the years. But the great thing is (and this is really, really great) that LA is likely to miss the playoffs outright. I certainly hope they will!

Kobe landed akwardly after missing a fadeaway in the final seconds of Wednesday's loss to Atlanta. He claims that Dhantay Jones, who was guarding him on the play, purposely stuck his foot out to prevent all-powerful Kobe from landing right. Having watched video of the play, my feeling is that Bryant is just upset about missing the shot, and that he likes to cry to the press about his little run-in's with players like Jones, whom he apparently has some history with.

In other NBA news, Miami has now won 20 straight. I don't think the Heat will lose again till well into the playoffs, perhaps the Conference Finals--or even the Championship. I'm beyond certain the Heat will win it all this year. It doesn't exactly take a brain surgeon to predict this much.

Who'll win it all in 2014? My first pick would be Miami again, but a few teams from the West such as the Clippers and Oklahoma City might have a decent shot too. I'm prepared to count out San Antonio for the next few years. That's one team you shouldn't expect much from, especially when Duncan, Parker and Ginobili are set to retire a few years down the line.

When will it finally be Chicago's turn to rule supreme? DRose should be ready to go next season, and we might actually make some noise in '14, but don't expect a finals run. Miami is just too good with their 3-Headed Monster. Maybe when the Heat finally disolve their roster or at least trim it a little bit, Da Bulls will gain some type of momentum in the East. I think maybe 2016 will be that magical year for Chicago. Why 2016? I don't know, it just sounds good!

On Continuing Where You Started, and Not Giving Up (and My New Job at Judaica Web Store)

I've learned a lot of valuable lessons over the past few years. Continuing onwards with my mission, and not giving up are two of the most important ones. I've overcome so much, but there's still so much ahead of me. I realize I need to keep a steady pace if I'm to reach the goals I've set for myself. In general, I believe it's important to set realistic goals, and follow through on them.

As far as what's been happening in my life lately, I got a really interesting job working at a company in Givat Shaul. I've been assigned the task of writing product descriptions for their website: Judaica Web Store. I've found that they're offering some really nice items like: Ahava hand and body cream, nicely-priced Passover gifts, etc, etc...

On the topic of setting goals, work is one of these for me. I believe that hard work improves a person, making him a better human being. Only by doing hard work, can we hope to give back to society--and the world.

Wishing everyone a great month of ניסן, new strength, and a renewal of old friendships!

שניזקה כולנו לגאולה שלמה בקרוב בימימו! אמן

Can the Miami Heat be Stopped?

As Lebron Jame's Miami Heat continue their domination of the NBA, the concrete answer that enters my mind to the question posed above is "No, they can't." Point blank period.

The latest tour de force came at the expense of one of this year's Eastern Conference disappointments, Atlanta Hawks, currently in a tie with Boston for 6th/7th and 14.5 back of Miami in a Southeast Division that was decided before the opening tip of game 1 this year.

Dwyane Wade has had yet another All-Star season. He scored 23 points on Tuesday night, in a game that was never in doubt from the starting whistle. The unflinching Miami squad extended their winning streak to 19 games.

Now's the time for me to start saying "I told you so!" to all y'all. I made a bet with a close friend of mine that the Heat would go on a 7-peat when they put together their freak show three years ago. It didn't happen. Dallas got the better of them in '11, but folks, it's gonna be all Heat from here, and they're not gonna be de-throned for another 4-5 years with D. Rose sidelined for G-d knows how long.

This is a true freak show, make no doubt about it. James is a machine on a mission, D Wyade is a special specimen not to be forgotten, and Chris Bosh is all that and a bag of pistachios. Take it to the bank, guys: El Heat will at least 5-Peat!

Reporting from the capital of the world...this here disgruntled Chi Bulls fan...and we thought we could do it...

Update: Hugo Chavez in the Process of Interviewing for a Position in Hell

Here's my preview of the interview the Devil is having with (ex) Venezuelan dictator, Hugo Chavez:

Devil: Welcome to my abode, my son! What can you offer us here on the dark side besides the bootylicious behinds of Sean Penn, Danny Glover, and my favorite Jew, Noam?

Hugo: Uhm...thanks I guess. Are you George W. Bush?

Devil: No, Saddam here. I called you down here because I was looking for an intellectual. Weren't you the one who read The Warrior's Oracle, and some stuff by Ortega Y Gasset? Don't you know anything about Senorito Consentido?

Hugo: No, I'm just a thug, and everyone knows that except for you apparently. What exactly were you expecting?!

Devil: Hugo, but you're such a sexy stud, can't you tell me about your dirty underwear or something?

Hugo: Well, I threw my first wife to the curb after she refused to...

Devil: Yes, my beloved dictator, tell me more...

Hugo: Well, the b#### wouldn't stay in the kitchen. Did I forget to mention women need to stay in the kitchen?

Devil: I, too, believe in that, my dictator buddy. Tell me more about your life...

Hugo: I was born in the capital of the Barinas State whose capital is, well...Barinas...There's some oil there, and some cows who munch on grass...you know, Devil, grass...

Devil: Yeah, of course I know about grass, now tell me more!